


Look at what you did to me

by LiliaPurpurea



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending to Season 2, Alternate Universe - No Sparrow Academy (Umbrella Academy), Ben is still here, But to move past it, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Introspection, Luther Hargreeves-centric, Mention of Luther/Allison - Freeform, No Incest, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28527066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiliaPurpurea/pseuds/LiliaPurpurea
Summary: Before going back to 2019, Luther reflects on his life, on the events of the two averted apocalypses, and on his relationships with his siblings, both nervous and hopeful about what the future has in store for him. He’s going to learn, however, that his actions did affect the timeline.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves & Everyone, Luther Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Luther Hargreeves
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	Look at what you did to me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I've been reading a lot in this fandom and I'm writing a longer piece, but this idea popped up into my head and I just had to write it. I really didn't expect my first fic in this fandom to be Luther-centric (I love all of those disaster children but he's just not my favorite), but here we go, haha. 
> 
> It has been read-through by a few of my friends and I fixed some typos but not thoroughly beta-read, so if you find any errors feel free to let me know.

They’d done it. The Commission wouldn’t be a problem anymore, and most importantly, they finally had a way to go back to 2019. Five was examining several briefcases to select one he was confident would bring them back to their time safely, and the others were tying up loose ends.

He hadn’t managed to get a hold of Ruby, and maybe it was for the best. He had no idea what he would have told the man.

Luther would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous about going back to 2019. He’d sort of built a life for himself in the 60s. Even if he knew it wasn’t viable long term, it had felt liberating after the despair of winding up alone, having to assume the worst about his siblings’ fate. It had been his first experience not being under his father’s thumb, making his own choices, trying to figure out what he liked. Of course, with the hindsight the whole ordeal with the two Fives had given him, he could see that working for Ruby had been _another_ instance of him looking for an older male authority figure to tell him what to do, but he had chosen who. It had to count for something, at least a bit. Even if he’d only done it after his first impulse to go find his father had been a failure.

Yeah maybe he still had a long way to go.

Going back meant reinserting himself into a life he didn’t feel he had a place in anymore. All of what he thought he knew about his life had been shattered when he found the unopened files from the Moon. He wondered if he knew all along, deep down, that earning his Father’s love —or at least consideration, respect— was a losing battle, but just refused to admit it because he’d invested too much into it. Sunk cost fallacy, he’d read about that on the Moon, around the end of his third year when he was really getting bored. The concept had made him terribly uneasy and he’d dropped that particular book.

All the others had known for a while, since their teenage years or even childhood for some. Luther sighed as he wondered if part of his stubbornness had come from a need to prove Diego wrong.

But it didn’t have to matter anymore, he reasoned. He had his siblings, and if he had started from scratch, on his own, once, he could do it again even better with his family. It was a late start, but he could still figure himself out, little by little. Find what he wanted to do with his life, go out, have friends. It was daunting, but maybe just a bit exciting too.

They were all leaving pieces of themselves in this time period, yet none of them argued against going back, and he was far from having it the worst.

His heart ached for Allison, who had come back from leaving a goodbye letter to her husband a bit earlier. The idea of her being married again still stung a bit, but he couldn’t wish her anything but the best. He wasn’t over her, he very distinctly felt it, but this wasn’t what she needed from him, she needed him to be her brother. He was going to do his best to be that, and as apprehensive as he was, he was also looking forward to figuring out what kind of bond they’d end up having. Five had mentioned that their actions in the 60s could have altered the timeline, and he hadn’t missed how Allison tensed. He could only pray to the universe or whatever that Claire would still be around when they land in 2019. Whatever the outcome, he would be here for her, without expecting anything he shouldn’t. And if he wasn’t her closest confidant anymore, he’d… _try_ to accept it. He could tell how easy it was for Allison to get closer to Vanya and Klaus, and he didn’t want to be the kind of person who would begrudge her for that. Still, he hoped they would still have a special bond, but maybe one healthier than what they formed in their teenage years when they had no one else but each other.

Judging by how he was holding his pendant —dog tags, if Luther wasn’t mistaken— to his mouth and staring at nothing, sat on the floor in front of the couch, Klaus was leaving something here too. Then again, Luther was pretty sure he’d had those dog tags since before they arrived in the 60s. He still didn’t have the full story, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know or if Klaus wanted to share it with him. He had always been the one Luther understood the least. Rebellious, unreliable, eccentric, inappropriate, aware of the world outside of the Academy in ways Luther never was. He was seemingly carefree, always partying, coming back drunk or high or both and laughing everything off. He knew, now, that a lot of it was a façade. He didn’t have many clear memories of when he’d gotten drunk —for the first time at 29— after finding the files from the Moon, but one thing his brother said he could still hear loud and clear, “No, no, absolutely not. Trust me, trust me, you don’t want that.” Luther could admit to himself now that he’d never even tried to understand the first thing about addiction, but he wanted to, now. Klaus had gotten clean, but was still drinking, and would probably need help anyway, and realistically they’d need to do something about Five’s drinking at some point too. Luther found his perspective was changed now that he knew how alluring it looked when you need to escape, to forget for a while. First the drinking and whatever he’d taken at the club after he found out about the Moon, then the nitrous with Elliott when he stumbled upon Ray looking for Allison. It seemed easier to slip and rely on it than he’d ever imagined. He couldn’t say he understood Klaus fully, why he kept doing it for the better part of two decades knowing full well it was harming him, but now he could see the hurt and the fragility behind it and he wanted to do more than brush him off and judge him. He wanted to be here for him. It was about time, he supposed. The others had tried and failed to reach out to him over the years, he hadn’t even tried. Being in the heat of battle, under gunfire with him and Allison had reignited the protective streak he used to have for him during their missions as he shielded him with his body. It had always made sense to him to keep an eye out for Klaus since he was the most defenseless out of all of them, what with being built like a twig and having mostly useless powers. He wondered why this never extended to outside of missions.

And well, Klaus’s powers weren’t that useless, in the end, as displayed in the Icarus Theater that fateful night. Seeing Ben again had been both an incredible joy and a bit of a punch to the gut. To this day, he still wondered if his brother blamed him for his death. The rational part of him knew he wouldn’t, none of his siblings seemed to and it wasn’t like Ben to hold grudges. He would always blame himself, probably, but he had learned to accept that his siblings didn’t. Finding out that Ben had been there all along had been a shock to say the least, and they’d all been mad at Klaus for a bit. But now they knew and Klaus was relaying what he said to them, he could even make him visible more or less at will and they’d been able to talk to him directly. Vanya had talked about what happened in the federal building, how Ben saved her and nearly lost his spiritual form doing so, but Klaus had managed to keep him here using his powers. Vanya had gone several shades paler when Klaus offhandedly said that he did that because neither of them managed to be sure if Ben was going to go into the light or if it was ‘something bad’. He didn’t elaborate but the idea of Ben —what, just disappearing? Not existing anymore in any way?— made Luther’s skin crawl. Despite Klaus’s many and, he was pretty sure, sincere apologies, it was still not fully clear why he had kept him hidden from them beside to avoid a scolding about going back to drinking. But that scare had been a wake-up call and Klaus seemed to fully grasp how shitty it had been to do that. They had decided to move past it as long as Klaus promised to never do something like that again, and he knew Ben and Klaus had talked about it privately later on. Their relationship seemed complex and maybe a bit strained, but clearly when it came down to it, they cared a lot about each other. This tension between them had puzzled Luther for a while because he couldn’t imagine Ben being anything else than always nice to anyone. He realized now it was silly, no one could be like that, and well, being stuck for seventeen years with Klaus would develop anyone’s sense of comebacks and sarcasm. Ben had changed, he’d kept on growing, unbeknownst to all of them beside Klaus, and Luther had been hit by the realization that he didn’t really know him anymore. But beyond that, he wondered if the image he had of him wasn’t already distorted. Now, there was no denying that Ben had always been kind and nice and shy, but maybe remembering him for so long only through the prism of his loss had shifted his image of him. He had to get to know him again, and he was excited to have the chance to do that.

Five was another sibling that he had to admit to not really knowing anymore. Well, he had a good idea what he was like now, at least on the outside, but he was more bite and walls than person at this point. And Luther had really screwed up with him, again falling back on his old hang-ups when an older-looking version of him had come into the picture. Without the weird disconnect between Five’s appearance and his demeanor, the version of him that looked his age had seemed so much safer, so much more worth listening to. Luther was still ashamed of how easily he’d turned on Five —their version of Five, that whole thing had been so weird— but he hoped he’d been useful in the end. If anything, Five was too utilitarian to hold a grudge based on hurt feelings, but Luther would have to prove to him he could trust him again. He had no idea what Five would be like once he actually got to sit down and rest, with no apocalypse looming over his head. He was pretty sure Five didn’t know either. This was probably going to be a shitshow, trying to get him to open up to them, or helping him without him doing so. It seemed pretty inevitable that they rid the house of all alcohol, both for Klaus’s sake and for Five’s, but it would probably end in flames, since Five didn’t seem to want to acknowledge that he just couldn’t put his teenage body through the same things as his adult one —and from what he’d seen of his alcohol consumption, it was probably better for him to calm down regardless. He fully expected him to react to all of their attempts to reach out to him with a coldness rivaling the snowstorm they were in earlier, but he was resolved to try to help him out anyway. Maybe Vanya could still get through to him.

Speaking of which, Vanya walked past him as he was lost in his thoughts. She gave him a small nod, which he returned. He couldn’t see her very well in the dark farmhouse, but he could tell her eyes were red and puffy. She too had to say goodbye to the person she loved, the nice woman who’d held him at gunpoint with her rifle a few days ago. He had been surprised to hear that Vanya was romantically involved with her, but it gave him hope to see she could build a good life for herself. According to Klaus he really shouldn’t have been surprised, Luther wasn’t sure what he meant. He and Vanya were going to have to figure out their relationship now that she had her memory back. He had been bracing himself for her not to want anything to do with him at least for a little while. He’d take it, but it would hurt, it would make him feel all the weight of his failure during the events of the first apocalypse week, but he knew he’d deserve it. That little nod of acknowledgement as she walked out to sit with Diego on the front porch filled him with hope. He was determined to do better.

Diego’s case was a bit weird, since his girlfriend was not staying in this time period, but it was still unclear if they’d cross paths again. It seemed likely, given their last exchange, and Luther still wasn’t sure how to feel about her, and about the knowledge that there were others like them out there. He would have to wait and see, but he would make sure to keep an eye out for his brother, whether it meant supporting him or telling him he was being a complete idiot, time would tell. But if there was one thing he was sure about, it was that Diego would never be blinded by his love for her enough not to put his siblings first if she was hostile towards them. Number One and Two had always been at odds, always competing for their father’s approval even if Diego would forever deny it. But at the same time, they understood each other in a way, and sometimes it was like they knew the other better than themselves. Diego would call him a softie, and Luther would call out his pathological need to prove himself and find someone to save. Diego needed to matter, he needed, if not to be number one, to not be number two. That was why he came up with his “Team Zero” thing, to do away with the numbers, even if in truth only him and Luther had been really preoccupied by their numbers. And Vanya, he supposed. He still found the name silly and it was still hard not to default to a leader role, but he agreed with the concept, and he still felt a pang of shame about not having stood up to their father when he belittled Diego to the point of bringing his stutter back, at the dinner. He didn’t know what relationship they were going to have going forward but he wanted them to be equals, and he knew Diego wanted that too. He knew he had things to learn from him when it came to doing what’s best for their siblings, and he finally felt able to accept that fact. They would certainly butt heads many times again but they would have each other’s back.

He would have all of his siblings’ back, he was adamant about that. He would learn to really be a brother, not a leader, not Number One, just Luther, brother to six and not anyone’s toy soldier anymore.

_I think this is the first time you stood up to Dad!_ Allison’s words echoed in his mind, proud and encouraging. It had been terrifying, honestly, but he felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Confronting him, even if he had no idea what it was about yet, acknowledging, vocalizing how he’d been hurt, used and wronged by his father, he knew it was a huge step. For so long he had kept himself from blaming his father for what he did to his body, because he didn’t have a choice, he thought. But he did have the choice to not raise his children to be his private army and to not send them on deadly missions without a second’s thought. He could have disbanded the Academy at any time, he _really should_ have disbanded it when Ben died, or even when Five left. Anyone who cared just a little about their children would have.

Well, anyone who cared just a little about their children probably wouldn’t have put them through the childhood they had, to begin with.

Took him long enough to figure that one out.

Five suddenly appeared in the room in a flash of blue, briefcase in hand.

“Go get Klaus and Ben, we’re ready to go.” Luther nodded.

While Five went to Allison and then outside to meet Diego and Vanya, Luther pulled Klaus out of his thoughts. He perked up and followed him, nodding at the empty space where Ben probably was.

They stood in a circle, Luther was holding Diego’s hand on one side and Klaus’s on the other. The latter stopped them urgently and ran to get a cowboy hat, earning everyone’s sighs.

Once he was back and they were assured that Ben was holding on to him, Luther caught Allison’s eyes, giving her a smile he hoped was reassuring, and they disappeared in a flash of blue.

They landed in the Academy, all of them very disoriented, except maybe Five, who rushed to grab the newspaper on the table and announce that it was, indeed, April 2nd, and that they made it to _after_ the day of the apocalypse.

They didn’t have much time to react to the news before realizing that Ben was here. He was visible. He was alive.

He was instantly tackled by Allison, Diego and Vanya, hugging him tight with tears in their eyes. Luther decided to give him some space and wait for his turn, but he was grinning.

He turned to Klaus, who was also staying back, and his brother gave him a bright smile.

Luther had nearly failed to realize that he wasn’t in his ape body anymore. His shoulders were wide, but not abnormally so, and he didn’t have hairs sticking out of his sleeves.

Despite that, it didn’t feel _right_ per se, something about him felt off, but in a different way than before. He couldn’t place it and it was a bit nerve-wracking.

“Wh— Where is Luther?” Allison stammered.

Luther looked up and saw his siblings looking around, looking _past_ him, worry painted on their faces. Five looked tense as a bowstring. What the hell was going on?

He turned to Klaus, he was staring at him, all color drained from his face.

“Oh. Oh… Fuck,” Klaus said, voice shaky and struggling to breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and that the twist wasn't too obvious haha. Tell me what you think =)


End file.
